“And when the ship docked in Paris, we were dazzled by the beautiful sights.”
I was visiting with a woman in a nursing home in Belleville (near where I lived before coming to Merlin). I was new there too, and this was my first time to see this lady. She was telling me about her life, about her travels to various places around the world. She had quite a life, according to her tales of adventure.
And then it hit me, a cruise ship in Paris? Paris is nowhere near an ocean. Yes, and now that I think about it, what about the wild elephants she saw on a safari in Egypt? And having tea with the king and queen of Poland (a communist country)? I began to realize that nothing in our entire conversation of the last fifteen minutes was real; it was all in her imagination. Maybe she got memories of her life confused with memories of books she had read.
Welcome to Alzheimer’s disease. Usually the distant memories are firmly planted; it’s the recent memories which get muddled. But this is not a one-size-fits-all illness. Example: Most Alzheimer’s patients succumb to the illness within five years, ten at most. The husband of one of my minister colleagues got it the year they were married. However, he maintained vigorous physical health for the next fifteen years. He would go for a fifteen mile walk every day along the same route; everyone on those country roads knew him and watched out for him. He was placed in a nursing home only when it became dangerous to leave him alone. This wasn’t a home with a locked dementia ward though, but one where residents roamed freely throughout the building and out in the garden. On his first day there, he easily climbed over the eight foot high chain link fence, and went for his customary hike. My friend faithfully continued to have supper with him every day until he died, during their twenty-fifth anniversary year.
As devastating as Alzheimer’s is to the family of the person who has it, I can think about two good things about the disease. One, the person who has it is largely unaware of what’s happening. For the first month or so, they realize something is wrong. But the disease quickly takes over the brain, and the person moves into another world, for the most part a happy one. Two, it can be funny. Some of the things Alzheimer’s patient’s say are so bizarre, well, all you can do is laugh. This is not mean laughter, where we laugh at someone’s expense. If that person was aware of what they just said, they would probably get the biggest laugh out of it.
So what do you do when your friend or loved one has Alzheimer’s? The short and simple answer is: just love them. Visit them; let them know you are thinking about them and you care. Ten minutes after you’re gone, they may say, “No one ever comes to see me;” but while you were there you gave them love and friendship. I often sing favourite old hymns when I visit; people’s eyes light up when they hear those familiar words and tune. I always pray. Although the person on the outside may know what’s going on, I ask God to touch the person deep on the inside, so they may know that god loves them, and that I do too.
– by Bruce Fraser, one of the minister of the United Church in Merlin and Fletcher ON